a fresh start.
January 31st, 2012 § Leave a Comment
hey guys.
so a lot of stuff has been going on in my life. i ended something last semester that a lot of people gave me shit for. but you know what? it was my decision to make. i’m sorry for those that it hurt in the process. i lost a lot of friends but i guess that is just something that happens when you share friends.
however, i’ve gotten really close with my roommates and friends that i lost touch with. i also got a lot closer with my parents [surprisingly] and it is great knowing that they support me in everything i do no matter what their feelings are regarding my decision. my relationship with my parents is really important to me and i wouldn’t change it for the world.
i also met someone…so yeah.
moving forward.
this is my last semester at virginia wesleyan which means i’m about to enter the real world with all of it’s mystery and wonder and terror.
this semester i’m the editor of the opinion section of my college paper, which is really exciting. i’ve wanted an editing position since i started college and it took me three years to finally get one. it’s really nice finally having an editor in chief that can keep a promise.
i’m taking a lot of upper level classes:
- a public relations class that requires a final project of 20 pages of research and strategies for how wesleyan can attract better students that i have to present to all of the deans of the college, the president of the college, and the admissions department.
- my senior seminar in political science which deals with social movements, which should be interesting.
- a film appreciation class with one of my favorite professors.
- a theories and methods of mass communications class which will probably be the death of me. i’ll manage though.
there is a local newspaper that i am considering sending my resume to so i have high hopes that it might work out with them. if not, i’ll probably just continue working for that video game retailer [that i am now the assistant manager of!] and do that until i can find a big boy job.
i’m also moving in with some friends after i graduate, so i’m really stoked for that.
that’s about it…
life is really great. i’m not sad anymore. at all. like…i am happy pretty much all the time. it is really nice not feeling broken anymore. everyone has their bad days, and now i’m just like everyone else. i have my bad days, but i have way more good days than bad days and it is fantastic.
i’ve been writing my novel again and i’ve gotten a lot more of it done in the past few months. i really hope to have it finished by the end of the year. my original goal was by graduation but that isn’t going to happen unless i can start busting out a chapter a week [which i guess could be doable].
anyway.
i’m back. i’m alive. i’m happy. i’m feeling productive and i’m gonna stick to this.
-the lumberjack
why we write.
September 12th, 2011 § 3 Comments
the nicest thing ever was written to me.
so last night, i wrote that blog about the future [i do those a lot] and i was pretty pleased with it. it wasn’t the normal complain-fest that normally consumes my public writings. i thought it was well done and for once i was proud of a blog i wrote. after i wrote it, i went out around campus with some friends and just made new friends and did what i always do the first few weeks of the semester.
overall, the night was wonderful and i had a lot of fun. yesterday was just a good day altogether [other than my xbox breaking but that was easily fixed].
i took this picture a few years ago. the oceanfront is sort of magical at night.
but then i got back to my room.
usually when i’m in my room alone, horrible things happen to my brain but not last night.
so here is what happened.
i was sitting in my bed watching tv and eating some late night taco bell [ a number 6 - steak baha chalupas and a soft taco] when i got a facebook message. usually i get really nervous when i get facebook messages [no idea why] so i opened it not knowing what to expect. it was from a guy that shopped at my gamestop with his friends. we’d talked a lot about world of warcraft back when i played it and him and his friends are the three nicest dudes ever and i wish nothing but the best for all three of them.
but anyway.
he sent me a message and basically the gist of it was that my writing helped him. it was comforting for him to know that he wasn’t alone in all the stuff he was dealing with and it was nice to know there was someone out there who was kind of going through the same stuff as he was.
going to be completely honest…
his message made me cry. let me clarify: i was almost to the point of weeping. i do this writing for me to help myself cope with myself, but knowing that my awkward ramblings about life helped somebody out seriously makes all the stuff i go through entirely worth it. like, i’m entirely aware that i don’t have a hard life and that i’m an incredibly privileged individual, but we all still have our own problems.
i guess what i’m saying is this: we all touch people’s lives whether we realize it or they tell us or not. there is always someone watching you, paying attention to you, maybe even learning from you. that message made me feel like this blog is worth me keeping up with.
so thank you for reading. knowing that people read this, even if it is just a handful of friends and random people i trick with my “tags”, makes it worth it.
sleep well, folks.
-the lumberjack.
the near future.
September 10th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
about last night…
sorry about that guys. i realized when i’m in that type of mood [that level of intoxicated], maybe pouring my soul out to the internet isn’t the best way to cope with that [or maybe i'll make a tumblr so i can do that]. i need to just be creative, or get out of my room and do something. but anyway, i apologize and it won’t happen again.
tonight is a new night.
so i’m sitting in my room, listening to iwrestledabearonce and the bunny the bear [go listen to these bands] and thinking about my life. not my life in any sort of depressing capacity [intentionally] but more of my life in a “what am i going to do in a year?” capacity. and i’m trying hard not to panic about it because panic attacks aren’t any fun, but i’m having trouble with that. i just have no idea what i want to do after i graduate.
what are my options?
1. graduate school – yeah no thanks. i have been in school for like…16 years now and i’m kind of just done learning stuff for a little while. and i wouldn’t even know what to go to grad school for [english or marketing/business] or even begin to know where i’d want to go [most likely odu because it is sort of cheap and close to home/work]. i’m trying to talk [trick] my dad in to paying for it because i really don’t want to be even more in debt.
2. get a big boy job – i know what i want to do…sort of. well i have a lot of employment ideas but all of them require a massive stroke of luck and an extensive network of incredibly well connected people that have an affinity for chubby bearded hipster dudes that like writing and video games. so yeah, that isn’t gonna happen.
3. take a year off from school and continue working at gamestop – this is looking like the most probable solution to my problem.
4. move west and start over – i mean…why not? worked for a lot of other people, maybe my luck/demeanor/life will change for the better. isn’t like i can’t ever move back if it sucks worse out there.
so….yeah.
i’ll probably continue working for gamestop and hope and pray that i get promoted to assistant manager while i figure out what i want to do with myself. not the greatest option but it’ll pay the bills until i have to start paying back my almost six figure college debt.
anyone looking to donate to the lumberjack relief fund can contact me at —> theindielumberjack@gmail.com.
thanks for reading. more substantial/important posts coming soon.
-the lumberjack.
a tall stack of flapjacks.
September 8th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
sorry guys.
life has been really busy lately so i haven’t been keeping up with this as much as i’d like. whenever i get stressed out and busy, this is the first thing i cut from my “to-do list” which needs to stop. anyway, main point – i’m sorry.
on to the actual post.
so it’s pretty much official – i think i’m depressed again. now, before i say anything else i would like to clarify one huge point.
i am not crying out for help. i am not looking for attention. i’m a big boy. i can handle my own problems. if i ask you for your help, then i want it. if i don’t, then i don’t. once again, not a cry for attention.
meh.
i’ve become pretty good at placing my depression on the back burner and living a totally functional life without need of medication or any type of therapeutic assistance. but you know, everyone has those days that are just worse than others, and lately, i’ve been quietly having those days everyday. even on my best day this weekend [the entirety of which was pretty fantastic] i was still a wreck mentally.
and i can’t blame this on a specific person or event or responsibility. there is just a lot of stuff going on.
why this sucks.
1. it’s making me really sleepy. i go to bed and and then sleep for like ten hours, then i wake up and i’m still tired. i feel like the fattest laziest person ever because i need a nap after sleeping for nine hours.
2. i have way too much stuff to do to be this apathetic. i have to work. i have to run a store and make sales and do stuff that goes along with what my job requires. i’m pretty sure i had my worst night of work [statistically and productively] that i’ve had since…i can’t even remember.
on top of that, i have school which requires a lot more attention than i have to give right now. it’s not that i don’t care, because deep down on a subconscious level, i am stoked i’m about to graduate college. it’s like i just completed the longest most draining marathon ever attempted and i came in first. but consciously, i don’t have any f’s to give.
i have friendships and relationships and acquaintances and people i care about that i feel like i’m letting down by being this miserable sad sack all the time.
3. and well, for the obvious reason – i’m depressed. i’m not myself. it sucks. for anyone that has ever dealt with this bullshit from the point of view of being depressed, it’s awful trying to tell the people that you love that you’re just really sad and there is nothing they can do/say/etc. to make you a complete human being again. because that is essentially what being depressed is – it is being a person that isn’t quite whole and not knowing why.
i think that’s enough.
yeah, that’s enough for tonight. i’m gonna go do homework or play xbox or something. or nothing. i don’t know.
later.
-the lumberjack
be a good person.
August 24th, 2011 § 1 Comment
don’t be an asshole.
if i could offer anyone a little piece of advice that i’ve picked up over the past 21 years or so of being a person, that would be it. it is simple enough and i feel like it shouldn’t be that hard. but you’d be surprised how many trolls exist within a 3959 mile radius [that is the earth's radius. i googled it to make that joke happen. you're welcome.]
two thumbs up for the folks being good dudes.
a day to day basis.
working in retail, you meet a lot of interesting people. about 75% of these people are going to be friendly and about 33% of those people are going to become regular consumers at your respective establishment. people are attracted to friendliness and will tend to migrate towards it.
this is from a business standpoint. if that were true, you’d see a ton of people dating really nice overweight people.
however, that leaves 25% of people that are going to be rude and downright awful. those are the people that need to read this. treating your waiter/waitress/sales associate/taxi driver/parents/teachers/friends like garbage is just going to get you a shitty response. i’m way more likely to bend rules and go out of my way to help you out if you’re a nice dude or lady.
exceptions to the rule.
some people are just terrible people. they were born that way. some people just suck at being people, and there is no one to blame for that, except for that person. and you know what, they can suck it.
re-evaluating my life.
i guess i’m just at a point where i just don’t want to deal with people anymore. not people in a literal sense but people in the sense that i just don’t have the energy to please everyone. that is going to be a struggle i think. i’m a “people pleaser” [not sexually. eh...maybe sexually] so i enjoy making other people happy [now it is definitely sexual].
i’ve been deleting people from facebook and from my phone lately cause i just need better people in my life or i just need to focus on the quality ones that are already there.
don’t be an asshole.
live by that. tell people that. make it your life motto. do something with it. i’m in a period of positive growth in my life and i’d like to keep it that way. oh yeah, and support your local gamestop. those dudes try hard to be good at their job, they deserve some love.
thanks for reading.
-the lumberjack
a report from the logging camp – 08.17.11
August 17th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
what’s up, world?
yes, i am still alive. which means, no, i’m not dead. nor did i lose all ability to type or blog or anything. school and work kind of overwhelmed me and i just sort of lost all my motivation to do anything creative at all.
that happens to people, right?
anyway…
i guess some of you might be wondering what i’ve been up to [and some of you probably don't care]…so here is what i’ve been up to.
technology failed.
my dear laptop, percy the pc, passed away after two years of tremendous service to both queen and country. i was downloading music…that i may or may not have paid for, and after it downloaded the file, it just sort of died. it wouldn’t boot up the whole way and it was sad day. so about 7 days and $800 later, i have a brand new laptop which i believe is named horace. it’s a better laptop than i had before so i’m pretty happy with the forced investment.
this album has kept me sane.
where we buy and sell used games.
yeah, i’m still at gamestop doing my thing. i’m still shift lead [unfortunately] but there isn’t really anything i can do about it. i’m not willing to change stores to get promoted because i like my customers and i like my coworkers and we all work well together so i’ll just stick to being the bottom rung on the management ladder until i get my opportunity to advance. i’m incredibly good at my job though, so i guess that is the bright side.
it isn’t really hard to be good at that job though…
senior citizen discount.
two milestones within a month of each other: i’m 21 now and i’m a senior this year. finally, my last year at wesleyan and i couldn’t be happier. i’m kind of excited to move out on my own, get a job, maybe go to graduate school. who knows? tons of opportunities and all that jazz once i graduate, right?
if i stay optimistic, it helps me from crying about having absolutely no clue what i’m going to do next year.
well…that’s it.
i always say i’m going to update this more and be better about updating, but i never do. so i leave you with this promise that i’m going to try.
-the lumberjack.
