this is my night.
September 10th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
it’s friday night.
so it’s barely midnight and i’m already alone in my room while everyone on campus is out getting drunk, having tons of fun, and doing stuff with their friends. granted, i’m not going to lie and say i didn’t imbibe tonight, because i did. i drank some awful wine [a lot of awful wine] out of a secondary container [a red plastic cup] and walked around campus with my friends. then they all just kinda went off to do their own thing. i got invited to do stuff but i decided my room was…safer? <— i guess?
i sort of just feel like i’d bring them down. once again, this is all part of this depression bullshit. [sorry for swearing so much, mom] i don’t feel like myself. i was having fun earlier [i think] but as soon as everyone was gone i was like…well now i just have myself and that sucks. like, being by myself doesn’t scare me or anything. i’m not afraid of being alone or that i’ll do something stupid. i’m just not a fan of being alone with my thoughts.
i didn’t used to be afraid of my thoughts. and it isn’t like my thoughts scare me in a literal “terror” sense, it is more of the fact that i don’t like what my brain is capable of as it’s own entity. my brain just kind of does it’s own thing when i’m by myself where it justifies things and makes me feel awful about other things. i just want my brain to be like…a normal functional brain that doesn’t make me awful. there has to be something for that.
i’m a dweller.
i dwell on things. i over-think things. it is just who i am. i’m not proud of it, i’m not happy about it, but i’ve learned to accept that it is just part of my personality. and…now i completely forgot where my brain was going with that thought. i drank too much tonight. [once again, i'm sorry mom].
but good news, jack’s mannequin just came on pandora and now i’m crying.
this was a mistake.
yeah, writing this was a bad idea. sorry internet. sorry friends. sorry mom.
-the lumberjack
commit this to memory.
August 22nd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
lgfuad.
so i’ve been listening to a lot of motion city soundtrack recently and i realized i have the same connection with them as i do with brand new. each one of motion city’s albums strikes me in a different way, almost like it is speaking to a different part of my soul. then i remember i don’t have a soul and move on with my life.
a bottle of woodchuck cause why not?
on to more de-pressing matters.
i’m finding more and more that i have nothing important to say about things. not to toot my own horn or dick ride myself, but i like to consider myself something of an intelligent dude but as i age i feel like my grip on current events and my thoughts is just sort of slipping. i mean, i’m not getting stupid, i’m just getting lazy. [i hope]
this apparently happens to everyone.
i was talking to my dear friend and boss, nick r., and he told me he went through the same sort of from when he turned 20 to the present, which bums me out cause apparently it gets worse. we were standing at work and i asked him if he ever had sweet internal monologues with himself about life and what he thought about things and he looked at me real sad only to respond with a “yeah dude. but it just kind of went away one day.”
my first instinct was to blame gamestop because that made sense. we both work there. but it isn’t gamestop’s fault.
i don’t know what i’m going to do to fix my brain.
someone asked me how i felt about something that was vaguely important the other day, and you know what i did? i lied to them. i made a bunch of really impressive sentences with some intellectual sounding words, and they totally bought it. i felt kind of dirty for lying to someone about something they clearly wanted my opinion on, but that was my first response. that was what my brain naturally went to.
my brain has become an awful muck of stupid.
so why did i write this post?
i honestly couldn’t tell you. i really don’t even know why i bothered all of you with this problem. i can’t fix it. you can’t fix it. only time will tell if i can become the intellectual i used to be, rather than the pseudo-intellectual piece of trash i am now.
sorry for being all depressed, internet.
- the lumberjack
crunk time for the lumberjack.
March 5th, 2011 § Leave a Comment
this is not a facebook status.
though it should be, that was not a facebook status. i figured you all wanted to know what i listened to while partying or to get my mind prepped for a night of good times and cloudy memories. well, even if you’re not wondering, you’re about to know. add these to your party playlist and let the good times happen.
moustache flask. flaskstache.
the list:
- anything dubstep – nothing says party like a bunch of noises made by a machine. not robot noises, of course, because robots are scary…unless they are party robots. like a robot that wants to dance and hangout and tell jokes and bring me beverages while it makes sweet dubstep noises. <— that is the best way to describe dubstep.
- “smoke weed everyday” by snoop dogg – whether you smoke weed everyday or not, you can’t deny that there is something undeniably exciting when this song starts playing. the beat is really great and it’s snoop dogg and dr. dre so you know that the song is good. and, if you do smoke weed everyday, this song should be your anthem, even when you’re not partying.
- “everybody nose” by n.e.r.d. – this is the greatest song ever written [exaggeration] and should forever go down in history as having the best remix ever done. the remix features kanye west [who is crazy] and has a pretty sweet music video [everything is in pixels and has donkey kong and princess peach in it]. pretty much, make sure you play this song. oh yeah, and i totally forgot, pharell is from virginia beach [represent].
- “everyday i’m hustlin” by rick ross – first off, rick ross is the man. actually, rick ross is the boss [even has a song about being the boss]. there really doesn’t need to be an explanation about why this song is on this list.
- “pop bottles” by birdman [feat. lil' wayne] – i have to listen to this song when i play halo to get me in the headshot mood. just a good song. listen to it, because the message is great [the message: pour champagne on models and party like you won an important sporting event].
that is the list.
there are obviously more songs since i always just turn pandora on and whatever pops up is generally great. listen. party. live. enjoy.
party on, wayne.
-the lumberjack
big news.
March 3rd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
this is kind of exciting.
so i’ve been offered a spot as a contributor for another blog —> the indie star <— and i took it.
what this means.
this means i’ll be doing some work for them, but i will not be shutting down this site. what i think i might do is start actively searching for people to work for my site because more opinions than mine might be useful/appreciated/refreshing.
so if any of you are looking to be creative or just let people know what you think about things political/nerdy or whatever, just let me know. send me an email at —> theindielumberjack@gmail.com
hoping to hear from some fresh faces with some interesting views.
- the lumberjack
heavy rotation – 10.21.10
October 21st, 2010 § Leave a Comment
a bit of an off week.
not having what could be considered the “best” of weeks. i’m not sad or upset about anything, just feeling kind of unmotivated. today i’m actually pretty sick.
i walked in to my professor’s office this morning and he said to me “wow, you look like shit.” to which i replied “umm…thanks”. then he told me to go back to my room and sleep and that my absence was excused. college is wonderful.
but all of that is no matter. let’s get down to business.
this week’s heavy rotation.
1. you can play these songs with chords by death cab for cutie: this was their first album, back when they were still a blossoming indie blip on the radar. ben gibbard has proven to be something of an indie rock success story and really changed the way people look at indie music. the success of dcfc also forced people to accept that indie bands can become popular and still be wonderful. and good news – ben gibbard said to
expect a new death cab for cutie album in spring of 2011.
tracks to listen to – “champagne from a paper cup” or “that’s incentive”
2. blue sky noise by circa survive: anthony green is possibly one of the most talented and successful drug addicts to ever pick up a microphone. his voice is easily recognizable over any other singer. his music is amazing. and he and his wife just gave birth to the messiah.
side note: i know what you’re thinking “but cody! every rock band from the 60s/70s/80s was on drugs and they were good!” and you’re wrong. most of what happened between the 60s and the 80s wasn’t music – it was a series of seizures and sound waves. that’s it.
tracks to listen to: “get out” or “fever dreams”
3. absolutes by barcelona: i saw barcelona in concert a few years ago and they are some of the nicest dudes around. this album is practically perfect and is definitely one of the best albums of 2007. the album reminds me a lot of high school, but i can look back on it now with completely different eyes.
tracks to listen to: “time to mend” or “fall out of trees”
4. sometimes things just disappear by polar bear club: i heard about polar bear club in alternative press in an article about hardcore/punk bands that no one knew about. their name is awesome, their music is pretty good, and i look like i belong in that band. i met them at warped tour this summer and they’re genuinely nice dudes.
tracks to listen to: “heart attack at thirty” or “eat dinner, bury the dog, and run”
5. invented by jimmy eat world: i finally got my hands on a copy of the new j.e.w. album and it is phenomenal. i’m going to write a review for it soon. but just know that it is a really impressive piece of music. well worth the wait.
tracks to listen to: “anais” [available on the deluxe version of the album] and “invented”
red dead redemption: undead nightmare.
that is the list for this week. send me your suggestions and what not to theindielumberjack@gmail.com.
enjoy your day friends.- the lumberjack.
my next post: i’m going to talk about some video games. i’m a nerd. it’s what i do.
thoughts of a college junior – the prologue.
September 20th, 2010 § Leave a Comment
i’m a junior.
and that is terrifying. i’ve been going to virginia wesleyan college for over two years now and it has been a roller-coaster since day one. literally. stupid things have been happening since the first day i got to this school. i’ve had friendships come and go, been lied to, been betrayed, had rumors spread about me, and closed the door on some people for probably the rest of my life.
some good things have happened of course: i met kelly, started working at gamestop, figured out what i want to do with my life, and met two of my best friends. i’ve had nights i’ll never forget and nights i can’t remember. i’ve tried new things, done things i shouldn’t have, and i’ve made sure to not regret anything i’ve done thus far.
this is going to be a three or four part series probably about virginia wesleyan, my adventures, and my feelings about the school and what i’m going to do to prepare for my senior year…which is next year…
