i marathoned through the rest of mass effect 3 the other afternoon. i mean, i literally played it for a solid five hours. i had to finish it. i had to see what all of the commotion was about. but i’ll get to that later. i’m going to just spew about mass effect 3 for a little while until i feel comfortable with ending the post. because when i finish the post, it’ll be the closure i need to cope with the ending.

and i feel like i should warn you before you continue that there are spoilers in this. actual spoilers. i literally talk about the last two hours of the game. in detail. so if you haven’t finished the game yet, i will ruin it for you.

and yes. i need a way to cope with the ending.

the end of the beginning.

imagine you’ve been telling people that something awful is going to happen to them. now imagine that this is something that is going to happen to a lot of people…like an invasion or something from a race of aliens who periodically like to rid the galaxy of all organic life i.e. humans.

now imagine you were once a high ranking military official who had a spaceship and a crew and you were sort of known as a galactic hero until you did something to save the rest of the galaxy that may have possibly resulted in the death of a lot of people of another species.

now imagine you’re at your trial and you’re proved right. the massive invasion you warned everyone about happens and people start dying in droves and droves. and not pleasant deaths. they don’t die in their sleep. they get turned in to creepy gray zombie things that have creepy bright blue eyes and they run at you.

this is my team. always.

that’s how mass effect 3 starts. they don’t let the tension build up in to this huge conflict and struggle like they did in the original mass effect. they just kind of go “hey! welcome back to playing mass effect. here is some bullshit to deal with! go!” which is fine. i don’t mind the feeling of urgency because that’s what i love about mass effect. i love the fact that i feel like i’m saving the galaxy. i love that it feels like my actions have consequences.

now to the ending.

i spent 27 hours playing mass effect 3. i got my galactic readiness pretty high and then i decided i would just take down the illusive man. i’ve never hated another video game antagonist as much as i hate the illusive man. not even ganondorf. and to be completely honest,

taking down the cerberus base was exciting. there were terminals throughout the base that explained things about the characters and about shepard which were kind of nice ways to seal up plot pieces, even though they weren’t essential to the main story. then there came the fight with kai lang where i got to shoot his stupid face.

i play the entire game as a paragon. i always take the high road. i just like being a good dude. i play fallout the same way. i play fable the same way. i played red dead redemption the same way. i always make the “good” choices when it comes to games. it just comes natural to do that. being a jerk just always feels wrong when it comes to games. but there came an opportunity to do something “renegade” after the fight with kai lang, and i picked it.

then i left what was left of the cerberus base, i headed to earth to make the final assault on the reapers. the next hour or so on earth…was the most nervous and uncomfortable i have ever felt while playing a video game. i felt the panic. i felt the urgency.

commander shepard.

there were cutscenes between the fighting that made me feel like earth was going to be okay. like the choices i made had gathered a large enough force to fix earth. to save the galaxy. to stop the reapers. but i may have been wrong. a lot of folks died, and it kind of showed me that i have a hard time coping with death when i’m attached [even at such a shallow level] to something. i’ll talk about that later, though.

turning renegade.

i’m going to skip all of the nuances that lead up to the last five to ten minutes of the game and just talk about the ending now.

so like i said earlier, i have a big issue with death when it comes to people/animals/things that i am attached to, and apparently this has translated in to video game characters now. i cried at one point in the game when one of the characters died, and it made me feel like an idiot because a character in a game made me cry.

then the illusive man killed admiral anderson. he shot him. so i chose another renegade choice and i shot him. i shot the illusive man and it was so satisfying. watching the life leave his eyes and him lay on the ground and be dead was so pleasing in the most twisted way.

the final choice.

or final choices, i should say. because god forbid bioware give me just one thing or another thing. they gave me three choices. three galaxy changing choices. three life changing choices.

this was the first time in mass effect that i had to actually think about something before i chose it. normally i just chose the paragon choice because i wanted to remain a good dude, but this time i had to actually think about how i wanted to finish this game.

• i could either kill the reapers forever.
• or i could control the reapers.
• or i could combine organics and synthetics and the galaxy could remain at peace forever, never needing to be cleansed again.

i paused the game and walked away. then i came back and chose the to control the reapers.

while i am content with this choice…i didn’t mean to choose it. honestly, the way that bioware presents the choices is sort of convoluted. i wasn’t sure what i was picking.

i wanted to kill the reapers. i wanted to end them forever and never have to deal with them again. i knew this was the renegade choice, and that was okay.

but to be honest…everything seemed to be the renegade choice except for galactic peace and synthesis. but i hated that option. the galaxy didn’t deserve peace forever because life thrives on conflict. that is how we advance and evolve as people. conflict forces us to become better versions of ourselves.

but i didn’t kill the reapers. i chose to control them. and commander shepard died. he became a martyr. he fulfilled his purpose and saved earth and all of the other races.

i always thought commander shepard was something of a “space christ” and this sort of proved it. he had loyal followers that stuck with him until the very end, even though death was imminent. and then he died so that everyone else could live.

after the credits rolled.

i went and laid down. my face was swollen like i was going to cry. and then i did for a little bit. my heart hurt. my brain hurt. i was having a panic attack.

but i’m okay now.

anyway, i liked the ending. i understand why people may have been upset by the ending though. it sort of felt forced. like “hey we’re ending the game now. pick something to solve the reaper problem. okay great. credits.”

but i still loved mass effect 3 and i am okay with the ending.

hopefully this made sense. i doubt it was coherent.

feel free to comment or disagree or etc.

-the lumberjack.

so if you are socially awkward and live on the internet, you’ve probably heard that a lot of uppity nerds are upset about the ending to mass effect 3 because blah blah blah. now, i don’t know exactly why they are upset because i haven’t read their grievances for several reasons:

1. their grievances don’t matter.
2. i don’t want to read a bunch of spoilers because i have yet to finish the game.

so i’m going to talk about the endings of other games and how they decided to end other trilogies.

so i guess this contains spoilers?

ALL OF THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS.

you’ve been warned.

red dead redemption.

this is one of my favorite games of all time. red dead redemption is one of the most glorious pieces of video game development that has ever graced my xbox. the entire sense of justice and “man against his past” storytelling made the game an instant favorite. that and i could just wander around the texas desert and enjoy the night sky while having to occasionally fight off wolves. nowadays i wouldn’t be able to do that because the wolves have been replaced by racists.

this is john marston. he is a man.

when i tell people that i love red dead redemption, i’m really just telling them that i wanted to be best friends with it’s protagonist. now, the ending of red dead redemption made me incredibly upset. not upset because it was bad or i hated it or anything, but because i had grown attached to john marston. i enjoyed his witty commentary and somber willingness to accept the change that was rapidly approaching the west. i also enjoyed his ability to shoot everything in a “max payne-esque” slow motion style. i thoroughly enjoyed laying someone down on the train tracks and watching a train run over them [and getting an achievement for it].

and then they killed him. they sent a bunch of us army soldiers to his ranch, and shot him. no matter what i did to stop this or how many times i tried to trick the system or how many “fire bottles” i tossed at them…they killed john marston. they killed him dead. 

and i accepted this is a thing that happened and continued playing as jack marston. and i hated every minute of it. jack marston is stupid, has a dumb voice, can’t hit the broad side of a barn door [this isn't necessarily true, i just like to think that this is true], and likes to say really dumb things that make me sad that his dad is dead.

the modern warfare series.

let me begin by saying that i hate call of duty. i hate what it stands for. i hate what it has done to video games in that every first person shooter has to compete with call of duty and survive the wave of comparisons even if the game has nothing to do with modern military shooters. i hate that the only way that games can identify themselves as “not a call of duty clone” is by making their product so close to call of duty that it feels familiar without feeling the same [if that makes sense].

soap and price. and some other guys.

let me continue by saying that i love everything about the storytelling ability in the modern warfare series. i have never enjoyed a first person shooter’s story that has spanned three games and almost five years and has still managed to feel sort of interesting. i mean, don’t get me wrong, you’re just killing waves and waves and waves and waves and waves or russians or ultranationalists or some type of middle-eastern terrorist group, but it is fun. it makes sense.

i finished modern warfare 3 yesterday and i’m content with how it ended. however, the ending felt a little forced. like, i understand that makarov was a dick and caused a lot of death and started wars and stuff, but maybe he didn’t’ have to die at the end. maybe killing him didn’t need to happen. the “good guys” don’t always have to win.

they killed soap. they killed him, they referenced it after he died, and then he was just dead. the bond between captain price and soap mactavish is one of my favorites in the history of forever.  they are sort of like brothers, and they exchange banter, but they’ve got each other’s backs. and after soap dies, it gives price this sense of urgency. it gives him a drive to end makarov’s life which was almost unsettling.

but i loved the way they ended the series. killing makarov did feel forced, but it made sense within the story. they always go out of their way to fix the world and to rid it of one more asshole. and i don’t hate that.

so what am i even saying?

the endings of these two games is completely satisfying , but i guess that is what most of mass effect’s fan base is having a problem with.

i’m gonna go finish mass effect 3 and then write about it.

-the lumberjack

i’ve just finished my first week of my last semester and i’ve gotta say, it’s been pretty great. all of my classes are interesting but i know it is going to be a lot of work and a lot of research and just a lot of headaches.

but it’s going to be totally worth it.

and i have a lot of wonderful plans on my day off from work today. i’m going to run some errands and to get some lunch. then i’m headed to the movies to see that new movie with harry potter in it…i mean daniel radcliffe. it’s supposed to be pretty terrifying…so that’s cool…because i totally love being scared for a solid hour and a half…totally…

anyway.

i figured i’d start doing music playlists again because, frankly, i like shoving my music down your throats.

oh i’m just kidding.

actually, sitting down and thinking of what music goes on the list is a lot of fun. so yeah.

enjoy.

1. the most beautiful bitter fruit – la dispute 
2. boy with a coin – iron & wine
3. tilde – touche amore
4. electric feel – mgmt
5. passenger seat – death cab for cutie

that’s it.

those are my choices for this week. suggestions are always welcome.

i hope all of you have an excellent friday.

-the lumberjack

so a lot of stuff has been going on in my life. i ended something last semester that a lot of people gave me shit for. but you know what? it was my decision to make. i’m sorry for those that it hurt in the process. i lost a lot of friends but i guess that is just something that happens when you share friends.

however, i’ve gotten really close with my roommates and friends that i lost touch with. i also got a lot closer with my parents [surprisingly] and it is great knowing that they support me in everything i do no matter what their feelings are regarding my decision. my relationship with my parents is really important to me and i wouldn’t change it for the world.

i also met someone…so yeah.

moving forward.

this is my last semester at virginia wesleyan which means i’m about to enter the real world with all of it’s mystery and wonder and terror.

this semester i’m the editor of the opinion section of my college paper, which is really exciting. i’ve wanted an editing position since i started college and it took me three years to finally get one. it’s really nice finally having an editor in chief that can keep a promise.

i’m taking a lot of upper level classes:

• a public relations class that requires a final project of 20 pages of research and strategies for how wesleyan can attract better students that i have to present to all of the deans of the college, the president of the college, and the admissions department.
• my senior seminar in political science which deals with social movements, which should be interesting.
• a film appreciation class with one of my favorite professors.
• a theories and methods of mass communications class which will probably be the death of me. i’ll manage though.

there is a local newspaper that i am considering sending my resume to so i have high hopes that it might work out with them. if not, i’ll probably just continue working for that video game retailer [that i am now the assistant manager of!] and do that until i can find a big boy job.

i’m also moving in with some friends after i graduate, so i’m really stoked for that.

that’s about it…

life is really great. i’m not sad anymore. at all. like…i am happy pretty much all the time. it is really nice not feeling broken anymore. everyone has their bad days, and now i’m just like everyone else. i have my bad days, but i have way more good days than bad days and it is fantastic.

i’ve been writing my novel again and i’ve gotten a lot more of it done in the past few months. i really hope to have it finished by the end of the year. my original goal was by graduation but that isn’t going to happen unless i can start busting out a chapter a week [which i guess could be doable].

anyway.

i’m back. i’m alive. i’m happy. i’m feeling productive and i’m gonna stick to this.

-the lumberjack