the indie lumberjack.

I just finished watching George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead and I’m not going to lie…it was wonderful. It was probably one of the better “zombie apocalypse” films I’ve seen in a long time. It raised a lot of questions within my gray matter inside my head.

When I sat down to write this post last night…I was going to review the film and talk about the various “pluses and minuses” but decided that an overview of American culture and how it was a pretty accurate depiction of how we’re all going to die in an orgy of hot and sexy flesh eating zombies.

Mmm…Your Torso Tastes Like Fillet Mignon.

How tasty are human beings? I mean…zombies eat people, cannibals eat people, bears eat people…everything tries to eat people. Are we just inherently delicious? Haven’t you ever seen a zombie movie? Those bumbling cranium munchers run incredibly fast whenever they might get a couple hundred pounds of human meat.

Here is my “scientific conclusion” -Zombies can smell fear [just like bears] and will only come after you if you are terrified of them.

Let’s examine this…

Look at the film Shaun of the Dead – When the survivors [led by the awesome/talented Simon Pegg] are trying to blend in with the zombies [while attempting to get in to The Winchester], they act like zombies: they shuffle, they groan, they act confident in their zombie abilities. THIS COMPLETELY THROWS OFF THE ZOMBIES. This may be because zombies are stupid…or because they weren’t visibly afraid.

Another example is in the film Zombieland. Bill Murray dresses up like a zombie and runs errands in Hollywood amidst all of the zombies. He even says at one point that he plays a round of golf at a nearby country club. Oh Bill Murray…you’re a wonderful man.

How To Prepare For The Horde.

The easiest way to fend off from a zombie attack, is to have a lot of guns. This seems sort of obvious, but only because everyone’s first reaction to an impending invasion of anything, is to shoot it [this is why America has a 2nd Amendment to it's Constitution]. So stock up on pistols, flamethrowers, shotguns, assault rifles, grenades, molotov cocktails, bolt-action rifles, and rocket-propelled grenades and all the amenities that go along with each [extra ammunition, bayonets, sights, and scopes].

Also – be sure to stock up on bats, chainsaws, machetes, metal poles, axes, and other big blunt or sharp objects.

My Advice.

1. Bunker - Invest in building an underground bunker [sorry if you live near the coast...just dig yourself a grave]. Inside that bunker, keep a lot of non-perishable food [since when the electricity goes out, your food is going to spoil], keep all your weapons and ammo, and keep your family there. Make them as comfortable as they can be with hundreds of thousands of undead monsters outside waiting to snack on their tasty flesh.

2. Pray – Pray to any God and every god. It’ll help you feel better…until you’re ripped apart.

3. Wait – …pretty self explanatory. Enjoy your bunker…before you get eaten.

I hope you enjoyed that.

Cody.

Next post: Tune in tomorrow for Tunetastic Tuesday!